A Guy’s Perspective of Love and Making it Work

Love relationships are all about companionship. We’re sociable creatures by nature, gregariously spontaneous in some respect when trying to find that companion. With a heterosexual guy, his ultimate goal is to find that perfect woman companion.  With that in mind, the story of boy meets girl is inevitable in his never-ending journey to find that special true love, or until he thinks he does.

Boy will search far and high to find that special girl. Boy goes to the malls. Boy hits the clubs. Boy goes on social sites. Boy goes on dating sites. Boy gets introduced to girls by mutual friends. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy gets acquainted by going out on dates. Boy falls in love, or is it possible that boy is infatuated with girl—ponder about this notion for a moment to let it all soak in. Boy’s expedition of finding that love finally ends, but what boy doesn’t know is the psyche of a woman.

The Beginning

Relationship comes first with attraction then leads to the early phase of the relationship at what experts deemed as the honeymoon stage.  You all should know this stage of the relationship.  It’s what I have coined as the most bestest stage of every initial relationship.  You all should remember those times when you’re just so excited to see her, and just to talk to her on the phone to hear her voice was the best part of your day, and you remember those nervous yet exciting moments where it feels like dozens of butterflies are fluttering away in your stomach, at unexpected intervals, each time you spend time with her.  Those were the good ole times. The stuff you want to remember each other by.

The Uglies

Then you get to the next succession in the relationship. This is where you start learning all the quirky details of your companion, as well as her demeanor on a personal level, then and then is when things may take a tumultuous turn. When you think you know all the facets of a woman’s heart you really don’t know jack! Everyday to a relationship is a learning curve for you. Everyday becomes a challenge.

The guinea pig experiment: What may work

I’ve been in a relationship for over a decade and sometimes I feel like I’m still in school testing for a final exam just to get her approval. This isn’t the nowadays schooling system but the yesteryears of the olden days when you get a scolding then to a beating if you’re not paying attention in class. Class is in session! Do not turn your eyes away from the teacher!

You can say that I’m putting myself out there as the guinea pig to learn several details to a woman’s heart.  Here’s my list of help tips:

1)      The test. She tells you that it’s okay to go out with the guys. She tells you that you should go out more often because it’s good for you. Don’t do it! It’s a trap! You’re a newbie at this, so you don’t know this and warmly complied to her wishes by going out with the guys. Harmless right? You get home late with her waiting for you. You get in and the nagging 20 questions ensue to what you’ve seen in the movies similar to a police interrogation. Am I in the wrong movie? Don’t get yourself into this situation. The next time she tells you it is okay, simply tell her you don’t want to go, or you’d rather stay home and spend your time with her rather than going out with the boys. You’re off the hook as well as preventing a troubling situation in the future with your girl.

2)      Don’t get complacent in your relationship.  Often when a guy finds a girl that he thinks is the one he tends to get a little lazy. His mentality gets a little lax in the relationship build up schemes, and the relationship misstep becomes abundant. Basically, you become comfortable. You start to not care about the way you look. No more weekly hair cuts, no more daily shaving, and no more fashion designer clothing, but instead dressing down like a slob with a mix-match pair of sweat pants and torn old sweat shirt. You start gaining some extra pounds around your so-called love handles, before you know it you’re looking like a bloated blue whale. You start to not care about taking your girl out to a movie or even to a dinner date. You’re all about staying home everyday because I already have a girl. You’ve mentally told yourself that I don’t need to do all those excessive superfluous exercises to lose weight anymore, nor do I need to put my time and efforts to wooing her anymore because she’s already mine. Do not get yourself caught up into this situation! Instead be creative and always try to find ways to woo your girl. Go out and have some fun sometimes. Roll out that treadmill contraption to get back to your old form because that’s what she likes.

3)      If she asks you to make the decision, do it. When she wants confirmation of you to be the man in the relationship, do it. As an example, you probably hear her often asking you where you want to go eat at because she wants you to make that decision. If you go back asking her to make the decision it just won’t sit well with her, as she wants you to make that decision. As a side note to this, do not mention about going to a simple fast food chain because she’s probably looking for you to make the decision to go to a nicer eatery (e.g. Big Bowl, Red Lobsters, Olive Garden). In the beginning of my relationship, I squirm at hearing her ask this as I knew if I made the wrong decision, especially taking her to a fast food chain restaurant, damn, I’ll be condemned to sleep on the couch. Be the man and make the decision without a flinch.

4)      Never mention your exes. This rule is self-explanatory for all you rubes out there. Do not compare her with any of your exes. Don’t even mention how she looks like her or a judgment similar. Don’t ever mention that your exes did something better than her. Don’t even utter any of their names. Once you do, you’ve erred to be condemned for the rest of your life as a living hell, as you’ll be hearing about this in every argument that you will have with her for the entirety of you two being together. My advice is to tell her that she is the best woman you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Keep it simple and just talk about her and only her.

5)      Damned if you don’t, or damned if you do. You’ve heard the conundrum of doing it right, but you still get blamed at doing it wrong. Sometimes it’s just a hard reality that she’s not content to how you’re doing something, although in your eyes you’ve done it precisely by the manual. Sometimes, some things are perceived differently as people, in general, have varying perspectives on all subject matters. Yes, relationship is one of ‘em. Regardless of how well you think you’re going to do it, sometimes it just doesn’t matter. What I see through my eyes is different from what she sees through hers. Scary right? This is where you just have to cope with it and learn to understand why she’s feeling that way. Ask questions often! It’s about trial and error. Learn from this trial, correct the error, and move on.

Yes, love is complicated. I’m no expert in relationships, nor I’m no connoisseur of this subject matter, as my relationship is always a challenging aspect in my day to day living, but what I know is true is that I’m trying to find ways to make it better. I think love relationships are a working progress, and no one of it is perfect. I think love has to be mutually agreed upon by both parties to make it work. It’s a tug of war, but no one will win if you cannot try to understand each other. I’ve come to a conclusion that it is like sacrificing your stubbornness to humble that aspect of yourself so that you can meet each other in the middle. Love is a true healer, love can be your enemy, love can be your friend, and love can be any aspect of any emotion, but love needs to be contained, molded, and mended in unison among the two individual holding it together for it to work. In saying that, now I’m a little closer to understanding the old adage, “you can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them.” So let’s find a middle ground to mutually agree on because it goes both ways to make this love relationship work. After reading this, I’m hopeful that you all see a guy’s perspective of love and making it work. Please remember to go tell your significant other how much you love him/her.

The guinea pig is out! I know that these aren’t the end of other guys’ perspective, so I want to hear from you all. How about a girl’s tell all of her perspective of love and making it work? Readers, as you all know there are much more to this to making it work, as this is just tidbits of details that I’ve been scribbling out for you all. So, get those comments out!